Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
