"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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