You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
