i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dicks are not precious.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize