When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
