To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
