I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
