Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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