Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
