Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I puked a lego.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
