She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
