you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
tell me about the eggs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
