You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
