he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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