In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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