I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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