I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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