and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
