I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
