Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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