Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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