Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
