My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
