Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
