do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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