thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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