nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drake has all the answers
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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