Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
