Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
