if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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