I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
