his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
