"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
