He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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