A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
