I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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