Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
