5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
