Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
