I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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