ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
