i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
