I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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