I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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