Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
