Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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