my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
