3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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