You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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