She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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