Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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