it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
