I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
