all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize