Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
