There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
