Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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