you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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