I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
