Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
