hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
