dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
