Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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