She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
