I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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