Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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