I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
