Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
