I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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