You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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