All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
