Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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